retrograde

no more going through the motions
no more sleep walking
no more baggage

I feel there's so much I carry with me; maybe from a past life, maybe engrained in me by parental figures.  I am done with the ritualistic and nearly automated responses to everything in my life.
I take responsibility for my actions, however, I don't fully understand why I have the equal emotional reactions to similar situations.  Jealousy, bitterness, hatred, ill-will.

Like in my yoga practice.
No more going through the motions, sleep walking, aware-less-ness.
Intention and response and awareness all of the time.  Exhausting my mental faculties, if necessary.
Considering emotional or irrational responses.  Understanding and accepting that I am only human, and breaking bad habits takes time and practice.  Offering myself options of how to respond.  Practicing patience.

practice
Something I talk about a lot recently.  It makes me feel good.  As if I don't need to have everything [or anything] figured out.  Maybe not now, maybe never.  Maybe someday.  Still, allowing a margin.
Ceasing to live in a patterned state, blindly following the circle I've trampled down in the grass.  Moving towards the outer edges of my emotions and cognitive awareness.

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