13 September 2012

up hill both ways

keep your chin up buttercup.
just smile, sunshine.

the longer you smile, the more my heart hurts.
just don't fall into indifference.

once, i loved it enough to invest two years of my life doing nothing but it.
once, i loved it enough to sign my financial future over to doing it.
i trusted myself to make it work.  hurting everyday i don't put efforts towards making it work.  
overwhelmed with guilt and overcome with homesickness.


as december tippy toes closer and closer, i feel the crushing weight of loan payment responsibilities.  i think about my un-visited studio. i wonder what i'd be making if i'd never stopped.  i wonder what i'll make when i start making again.

keep your chin up.
this isn't as good as it get.

07 September 2012


Life is about as new and unexpected as it has ever been for me.

I have [most likely] no educational goals left.
As it stands, I head towards being an artist.  And as that stands, it's about unstable as a wine glass in the back of a pick up truck driving down Durkee Road in my hometown. yes.

I've made some major life changes and decisions.  Some of which I said I'd never do. On her 21st birthday, my sister and I got tattoos together of our grandmother's handwriting.  A few days previous to that, I bought a bike.

Getting a bike has been the best decision of 2012.
It's the ultimate freedom that I don't think I have ever experienced.  When I was a kid, I'd spend so many minutes of the summer on my bike.  However, it was different; I had a very short leash, since my mom was the over protective type.  Buying a bike now hasn't been a source of entertainment, though it's now one of my favorite things to do - it was like buying my next car.  I sold my car last year, and have been relying on public transit ever since.  Talk about a short leash!  Nothing but absolute frustration and anger, surrounding every trip.  Matilda (as I've decided to name my Schwinn road bike) has become a permanent installation in my life, I feel an ultimate sense of freedom.  When I am on her, cruising down the street, I feel like I'm flying.  I'd like to go forever.  To be able to jump on her, and go anywhere - fast...Matilda has come at the perfect time.  It's a freedom I really needed right now.