25 May 2012

re-finding & understanding the way I exist

All I've been talking about lately is change, transition, shifting, difference in life now that school's over, and my difficulties with it.  I fell off the wagon in more ways than one.  I was settled in nicely to a routine; roll out of bed at 7:30 - 8 am, dress, make my raspberry green tea with a swirl of butter bean honey, and fly out the front door with a banana and a yoga mat in hand.  Once I made it to Pafa, I'd spend one hour at work study (typically mindless data entry for the Museum Education Department), while I sipped my tea and finished waking up.  By 10 or 10:30, I'd be in my studio, 8 floors up, dabbing away at a canvas.

I was exhausted at the end of graduation weekend, and as I've explained, the couch and left overs became my life (for about 3-6 days anyway).  This meant left over artichoke spinach dip, chips, crackers, creme brulee, and sangria. Hah! What a combination.

I am a person who easily falls off a routine, if others aren't counting or depending on me.  This is what happened.  I stopped caring for myself.  I ate crap, I stopped going to yoga and even my water intake went way down.  Two weeks of that, and my body is back where it started 3 months ago.  I don't doubt that it will take very little time to move back to feeling good and looking slimmer.  It is bothersome that I let it happen at all.

I went to yoga yesterday for the first time in 2 weeks.  This morning, my body is aching.  My abs, my shoulders, my arms - uggg...I plan on going again on Saturday morning.  If I've never mentioned it before, the yoga studio I go to is great.  The teachers are wonderful, it's large, clean, very affordable, and it's hot (maybe the best part).  Check it out if you live in the Philadelphia area.  Any way, my point is, Thursday morning instructor, Marcie, always pushes the hardest.  She is a very calm and matter-of-fact instructor.  Just do it.  There is something about the tone of her voice that always makes me try a little harder or hold on a little longer.  I am big on yoga instructors reminding you to honor your body and staying within in your limits.  I don't know if I don't need to be told this any more, or if I just know if to be fact (in case I need it), but she doesn't say his very often and I like it.  Don't give me an excuse not to, because I probably won't.

I made a produce run after yoga yesterday morning.  It makes all the difference; having fresh fruits and veggies in the house, and I always do.  - Except for the past 2 weeks! - but no more.  I am getting back to my morning green tea, and three meals a day, and yoga, and studio.  The two things I want to be able to support in my life, post-grad, are my two practices: yoga and studio.
I believe that environment does a lot for your mental state and motivation.  I am not making excuses, however, I can feel a definite change in the flow in my house since the studio crap intake.

I know what effects my life, and what I need to do on a daily basis to be clear minded and moving forward.  I must always be moving forward, not back.  Blogging is a tool I am also starting to use [again], in order to have some accountability for myself and my thoughts.  I turned to blogging right before I graduated with my BFA and it helped.  This blog has been with me for that long, and I look back with some embarrassment.  However, it's a good catalogue of my life, and I love it for what it is.
Oh, and ps, tomorrow's the day I move in to new studio! :)
Pictures soon!

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