08 February 2012

spending time alone






Sometime I can't get over how beautiful the swirls of oil paint look on my broken glass pallet.
Sometime I don't like how hard I have try to make intelligible art.
Sometimes the inside of my terp jar is perfect.
Sometimes I notice pigment caught in my linseed oil.

Sometimes I hate painting.

But what I love more is the feeling when I'm lost deep in making a painting.
How every mark I make can hold potential perfection. I love dancing around, considering the invincible nature of the artist. Then I sit down and look,
and analyze, and think about what a critical eye might say.
And I cover it all up.

Being alone is hard.
Being alone is hard, because sometimes I don't know what "they" would say about what I do.
It's difficult to comprehend how I was supposed to learn how to be alone,
and how I'm supposed to have developed that inner voice that helps the alone-ness.

Being alone is hard.

2 comments:

the Music of the Night said...

i stopped painting for a long time after i left MCC and didn't take a painting class, because I didn't even know what to do alone. I was afraid to put anything on canvas because i didn't have someone to rein me in or give me some direction.. At least you put something on canvas!!
and BTW>. your pallette looks pretty spiff

Jana Bailey said...

haha! thanks for the pallet compliment :)
ps, i'm home this weekend...little visit? maybe sunday? :)